![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Perfect CT Scan!
Oct. 30th, 2012 02:41 pmSo, with the caveat of I know better than to tempt fate, and I will be going to screenings for as long as they tell me to- I do not have ovarian cancer! Nor do I need to remove anything else, have any more surgery, prepare myself to die in my thirties, etc, at this point in time! I have so much yay about this!
There is so much bullet-dodging in this house. There's unfortunately a few catches too, and occasional wings, but- ye gods, we're just a lightning rod for the weird.
So yeah. Because my insurance ran out (I aged out of my mother's coverage), I got everything I could done at the last second, things I had been putting off for years because copays on the household budget I was given were laughable (and yet people would nag me to do things for myself at the same time I was having to beat my head against the wall to make food and medicine for my elders stretch to next payday). In looking for PCOS and to ensure the IUD I wanted was a good idea, we found the two giant cysts. In hemming and hawing over 'is it *really* necessary' and 'we won't *know* anything until we go in and take a look', I decided to hell with it and took the risk of surgery and a few days' vacation from my 24/7 household job and ohmygodtheyFOUNDsomething. So yeah. Worth it. Scary, but worth the whole reluctant 'I don't want to raise a damn fuss, but it's not supposed to be that bad, I might as *well*...' decision to take the surgery on the teeth and get it over with. Because if I didn't, of course something bad was going to happen and I wouldn't know until it killed me.
And it would have. The difference between 'abnormal' and 'cancer' is speed of growth- and this stuff was slow-growing, but it had the structure of aggressive ovarian cancer, pappilari serrous (sp?), two main tumors and some loose cells in the abdominal wash- and I had no fucking idea. I would not have known a thing about it until it had spread all over the place, switched over to malignant speed, and went off like a bomb.
I'm babbling. Can you really blame me?
Also, Daddy is taking testosterone. His levels were apparently comparable with my Vitamin D levels, that is, where there's normally a range of 200 to 500 he was in the thirties. Low testosterone is apparently also linked with diabetes. So now he's got that, and he's doing his exercises as best he can. He says he's feeling better, I'm noticing a bit less weight on him, and his legs are looking better- the discolored patches are still there, but they're pink instead of purple, and the bubbly flesh is firming up and shrinking a bit. It's all still *there*- and I don't hold out hope for an instantaneous cure that will solve all our problems and free me to have my own life anytime soon- but it's *better*. And anything that's better than what it was, you know, I'll take it.
There is so much bullet-dodging in this house. There's unfortunately a few catches too, and occasional wings, but- ye gods, we're just a lightning rod for the weird.
So yeah. Because my insurance ran out (I aged out of my mother's coverage), I got everything I could done at the last second, things I had been putting off for years because copays on the household budget I was given were laughable (and yet people would nag me to do things for myself at the same time I was having to beat my head against the wall to make food and medicine for my elders stretch to next payday). In looking for PCOS and to ensure the IUD I wanted was a good idea, we found the two giant cysts. In hemming and hawing over 'is it *really* necessary' and 'we won't *know* anything until we go in and take a look', I decided to hell with it and took the risk of surgery and a few days' vacation from my 24/7 household job and ohmygodtheyFOUNDsomething. So yeah. Worth it. Scary, but worth the whole reluctant 'I don't want to raise a damn fuss, but it's not supposed to be that bad, I might as *well*...' decision to take the surgery on the teeth and get it over with. Because if I didn't, of course something bad was going to happen and I wouldn't know until it killed me.
And it would have. The difference between 'abnormal' and 'cancer' is speed of growth- and this stuff was slow-growing, but it had the structure of aggressive ovarian cancer, pappilari serrous (sp?), two main tumors and some loose cells in the abdominal wash- and I had no fucking idea. I would not have known a thing about it until it had spread all over the place, switched over to malignant speed, and went off like a bomb.
I'm babbling. Can you really blame me?
Also, Daddy is taking testosterone. His levels were apparently comparable with my Vitamin D levels, that is, where there's normally a range of 200 to 500 he was in the thirties. Low testosterone is apparently also linked with diabetes. So now he's got that, and he's doing his exercises as best he can. He says he's feeling better, I'm noticing a bit less weight on him, and his legs are looking better- the discolored patches are still there, but they're pink instead of purple, and the bubbly flesh is firming up and shrinking a bit. It's all still *there*- and I don't hold out hope for an instantaneous cure that will solve all our problems and free me to have my own life anytime soon- but it's *better*. And anything that's better than what it was, you know, I'll take it.
Daylight- when did that happen?
Got dad off to bed earlier than usual, which meant I could actually bother to sleep before having to get mom off to the train in the morning. Now fully awake at eight in the morning. This generally does not happen. Still, I am functional and not in 'need rest' mode, so taking advantage while it's there.
Still working away at various construction and cleaning projects around the house- apologies to those waiting for artistic stuff from me, I really am not reliable and it's shameful, but real life is taking large precedent over LJ and attendant online-socialization. Life has been mildly exciting, though fortunately not the kind of exciting that leaves people hospitalized.
Still mentally poking at the strange spots in my head, with the water princess and the rider princess and the teenaged sidhe and bits'n'pieces for the eternally uncooked D&D campaign. Trying to relax and let things gel rather than nervously wish that I could write my way out of a non-fanfic paper bag. That never helps (much like turning into a giant snake).
Need to make time to sit in hospital clinic and do the face-to-face so they'll actually process my paperwork (they being about two months behind according to the counselor). Maybe once I'm actually in (god I hope they'll take me) I can get my glasses replaced too. My script hasn't changed, but my only pair are scratched to hell and I couldn't afford to replace them back when I had insurance (the frames were not the problem. The lenses were what was making it 300 and change, whereas now it would be 600).
I STILL ATEN'T DEAD!
Got dad off to bed earlier than usual, which meant I could actually bother to sleep before having to get mom off to the train in the morning. Now fully awake at eight in the morning. This generally does not happen. Still, I am functional and not in 'need rest' mode, so taking advantage while it's there.
Still working away at various construction and cleaning projects around the house- apologies to those waiting for artistic stuff from me, I really am not reliable and it's shameful, but real life is taking large precedent over LJ and attendant online-socialization. Life has been mildly exciting, though fortunately not the kind of exciting that leaves people hospitalized.
Still mentally poking at the strange spots in my head, with the water princess and the rider princess and the teenaged sidhe and bits'n'pieces for the eternally uncooked D&D campaign. Trying to relax and let things gel rather than nervously wish that I could write my way out of a non-fanfic paper bag. That never helps (much like turning into a giant snake).
Need to make time to sit in hospital clinic and do the face-to-face so they'll actually process my paperwork (they being about two months behind according to the counselor). Maybe once I'm actually in (god I hope they'll take me) I can get my glasses replaced too. My script hasn't changed, but my only pair are scratched to hell and I couldn't afford to replace them back when I had insurance (the frames were not the problem. The lenses were what was making it 300 and change, whereas now it would be 600).
I STILL ATEN'T DEAD!
Sleeping Beauty As Active Participant
Aug. 23rd, 2012 02:57 amSleeping Beauty as an active participant, not a passive object-
( Ooh. )
Some sort of trance-magic or astral travel? Perhaps it’s something she’s doing to let her body heal or to wield great powers in defense of her kingdom-
( Ooh. )
Now I just need a dynasty-long plot to fill in the slumber-years.
In other news, still doing major repairs on back apartment with Mom. Roaches are long dead, but now we're just having to do all the cleanup work, and the painting turned into a biiiig project when I put scraper to crack and immediately went down to the cardboard, which then proceeded to peel (in uneven sheets and layers) off the entire wall. All that and we still have to raise the water-heater about eighteen inches.
So yeah, I had those bilateral ovarian cysts cored out. Abnormal cells that could have been cancerous if they'd been let go- but weren't now, although the full pathology report will come out next week.
I would never have known about these if it weren't for the insurance ending and me scurrying to get everything checked out.
I still have the good ovarian flesh left, I'm not in a whole lot of pain (laproscopic! yay!) and I kinda Matrixed a bullet there. So, I may be missing the premiere of The Avengers and a NERO game, but I'm pretty happy. And I have kitties swarming me. Also the option of lovely lovely drugs but not the need, which is always a good thing.
I would never have known about these if it weren't for the insurance ending and me scurrying to get everything checked out.
I still have the good ovarian flesh left, I'm not in a whole lot of pain (laproscopic! yay!) and I kinda Matrixed a bullet there. So, I may be missing the premiere of The Avengers and a NERO game, but I'm pretty happy. And I have kitties swarming me. Also the option of lovely lovely drugs but not the need, which is always a good thing.
Get a busy month of gaming and opportunity and visits with friends you haven't seen in ages planned out, and then they tell you they gotta take out cysts and that you're looking at 2-4 weeks recovery time. At least it sounds like it could be an explanation for the gallbladder-symptoms-with-a-clean-gallbladder-on-two-separate-ultrasounds thing, because endometriosis can get everywhere.
Just- could I for once get a chance to plan things out without all my careful orchestrations being tossed into the air?
Just- could I for once get a chance to plan things out without all my careful orchestrations being tossed into the air?
I haz internet again!
It has been an absolute pain in the ass. My computer had a virus scare, did a boot scan- and then it would no longer connect. So after about a month of trying solutions that didn't work, repairing, then finding a working activation number, then *re*repairing, then redoing one of the solutions that didn't work the first time, I now can browse on my own computer, instead of my parents'.
If I ever find the bastard that invented the NetBT cache, I will strangle him, do you hear me?
It has been an absolute pain in the ass. My computer had a virus scare, did a boot scan- and then it would no longer connect. So after about a month of trying solutions that didn't work, repairing, then finding a working activation number, then *re*repairing, then redoing one of the solutions that didn't work the first time, I now can browse on my own computer, instead of my parents'.
If I ever find the bastard that invented the NetBT cache, I will strangle him, do you hear me?
I do believe that is the first time I've gotten butterflies from a boy holding my hand. ( Granted, it's the first time a boy'd ever really held my hand... )
I have my computer and my nice new terabyte all set up to make videos-
And I've got zilch for ideas. Drat it.
Well, there was that one thought for Jet to Night of the Long Knives, but I just don't think there's enough footage to pad that out...
In other news, parentals got a trial arrangement of a mortgage mod, mom's still working on dad to get us out of this house, and I'm just sort of floating like a cork on a wave. I'll deal with whatever decision comes down the pipeline, and I'll make it a good thing when it comes.
I have invented the miniature peach pie. Now if only my muffin-tins hadn't been borrowed by a friend who lives an hour away and keeps forgetting to bring them to game...
I have occasional moments lately, where I think that on general principal, I'm going to end up one of those cyberpunky rebel-types in a few years. But probably with less brooding and not nearly as fashionably eclectic. Or eclectically fashionable, take yer pick.
Also, the dad has taken up snus (spelling?), a sort of swedish chewing tobacco. We all sat down and discussed it, and figured, hey, he's sixty, he's allowed one bad habit, and it's a tossup at this point whether the tobacco, the waiting to get his knees fixed, or me strangling him will get him first, so why not? ^^ He's losing weight. He's walking better. He's certainly in better temper, which makes my life easier all over.
Also, the doc agreed that Lyme disease is usually much more livid, but because it is bull's-eye shaped and because I was tromping around in deer-infested woods, I'm going to get the full course of shotgun treatment- antibiotic inside and antifungal outside, just to cover our bases. And if that doesn't cut it, it's psoriasis.
My life is this weird mix of slapstick comedy sometimes. I swear, I should get ratings for it, something out there's got to be laughing at me as I take a bow.
And I've got zilch for ideas. Drat it.
Well, there was that one thought for Jet to Night of the Long Knives, but I just don't think there's enough footage to pad that out...
In other news, parentals got a trial arrangement of a mortgage mod, mom's still working on dad to get us out of this house, and I'm just sort of floating like a cork on a wave. I'll deal with whatever decision comes down the pipeline, and I'll make it a good thing when it comes.
I have invented the miniature peach pie. Now if only my muffin-tins hadn't been borrowed by a friend who lives an hour away and keeps forgetting to bring them to game...
I have occasional moments lately, where I think that on general principal, I'm going to end up one of those cyberpunky rebel-types in a few years. But probably with less brooding and not nearly as fashionably eclectic. Or eclectically fashionable, take yer pick.
Also, the dad has taken up snus (spelling?), a sort of swedish chewing tobacco. We all sat down and discussed it, and figured, hey, he's sixty, he's allowed one bad habit, and it's a tossup at this point whether the tobacco, the waiting to get his knees fixed, or me strangling him will get him first, so why not? ^^ He's losing weight. He's walking better. He's certainly in better temper, which makes my life easier all over.
Also, the doc agreed that Lyme disease is usually much more livid, but because it is bull's-eye shaped and because I was tromping around in deer-infested woods, I'm going to get the full course of shotgun treatment- antibiotic inside and antifungal outside, just to cover our bases. And if that doesn't cut it, it's psoriasis.
My life is this weird mix of slapstick comedy sometimes. I swear, I should get ratings for it, something out there's got to be laughing at me as I take a bow.
State O' the Weirdlet
Oct. 2nd, 2010 12:05 amSo, been an exciting few days. Many of my friends, online and in real life, are having a tough time, but most are keeping up good hope and some are even getting their second chances. I'm just stuck wishing for third chances for some of my best friends, who keep getting screwed, and trying to help where and how I can.
I've been getting by in a sort of minimalist way, but feeling generally good, and certainly better than I was. T'other day, I got a callback for a bakery position from a store I applied to a year ago, and have an interview next week- then earlier this evening, a nice young man came to the door and served us papers to appear in foreclosure court.
Yeah.
So- I'm not having the breakdown I thought I would, but then again- things have been getting a lot less tense. Dad's getting better physically and mentally, which means that when and if it comes time to leave, he may not be as difficult as he promised to be while in the midst of pain, illness, medication, and sucky blood-oxygen levels (God bless the B-PAP machine). Even so, there are still some options left, and if those fail, then there's still options. We can and will get through this, and we'll see if anyone loses any pieces.
Just kind of one of those- 'well, here I am' moments in time.
All that said, I am looking forward to How to Train Your Dragon coming out on DVD, I'm deeply enjoying the fic for Dragon Age: Origins (so much funny, so much tragic, so much hot, and oh Zevran), and my cats keep double-teaming me for lying-on-and-purring.
I've been getting by in a sort of minimalist way, but feeling generally good, and certainly better than I was. T'other day, I got a callback for a bakery position from a store I applied to a year ago, and have an interview next week- then earlier this evening, a nice young man came to the door and served us papers to appear in foreclosure court.
Yeah.
So- I'm not having the breakdown I thought I would, but then again- things have been getting a lot less tense. Dad's getting better physically and mentally, which means that when and if it comes time to leave, he may not be as difficult as he promised to be while in the midst of pain, illness, medication, and sucky blood-oxygen levels (God bless the B-PAP machine). Even so, there are still some options left, and if those fail, then there's still options. We can and will get through this, and we'll see if anyone loses any pieces.
Just kind of one of those- 'well, here I am' moments in time.
All that said, I am looking forward to How to Train Your Dragon coming out on DVD, I'm deeply enjoying the fic for Dragon Age: Origins (so much funny, so much tragic, so much hot, and oh Zevran), and my cats keep double-teaming me for lying-on-and-purring.
Post-It Notes to Self
Jun. 16th, 2010 10:13 pm( Probably TMI... )
That said, Origins next week! I get to help crew the larp event, and maybe even use my costume to be a boss-fight! Ooh, I should make some packets this week as well as do laundry...
That said, Origins next week! I get to help crew the larp event, and maybe even use my costume to be a boss-fight! Ooh, I should make some packets this week as well as do laundry...
Not dead, just not attached to the computer these days, or at least not focused on LJ. Will be back, I promise, just not this instant.
In other news-
-Saw Iron Man 2, a couple of times. Much Mickey Rourke fantasy fuel. Need fic, and there is none to be found!
-need to readjust sleep pattern, I'm getting up too late in the day and losing all ability to get things done. Granted, I'm prettymuch matching my schedule to my father's, around whose care my life revolves, but come on- I'm an adult and nobody is going to make things get better for me but me. Economy nothing, I can at least start by getting up and doing things in daylight.
-oven has been fixed, and I apparently have started a small cult of converts with my puff-pastry cherry-bombs. Not entirely sure how I managed that, because I find them too sticky-sweet, myself, but there's a demand for said treats for gaming Sunday. Need to find a good recipe for that brown bread with raisins we used to get in the fancy German restaurants, I wanna try making *that* next. Mom wants me to make more bagels for her to take to work.
In other news-
-Saw Iron Man 2, a couple of times. Much Mickey Rourke fantasy fuel. Need fic, and there is none to be found!
-need to readjust sleep pattern, I'm getting up too late in the day and losing all ability to get things done. Granted, I'm prettymuch matching my schedule to my father's, around whose care my life revolves, but come on- I'm an adult and nobody is going to make things get better for me but me. Economy nothing, I can at least start by getting up and doing things in daylight.
-oven has been fixed, and I apparently have started a small cult of converts with my puff-pastry cherry-bombs. Not entirely sure how I managed that, because I find them too sticky-sweet, myself, but there's a demand for said treats for gaming Sunday. Need to find a good recipe for that brown bread with raisins we used to get in the fancy German restaurants, I wanna try making *that* next. Mom wants me to make more bagels for her to take to work.
Whoo- got my house clean, had my houseguest over, we finished costumes, went to ACen, got photographed a lot, had a bunch of fun, came home, watched movies, got her off to the train in the nick of time today. Worked out nicely.
Lots o' fun.
About two dozen people took our pictures, orc and selkie side by side, and so far I'm the only one to have posted ones of us. Ah well. Got to meet Jennie Breeden too, and told her she was half the reason I was playing an orc- she liked my costume^^ tinysquee moment.
Trouble on the horizon is my friend who pays my way for the larping has lost his job, which is a crap thing all around- I mean, I don't have a job in the first place, and that's different from having one and getting it jerked out from under you. I hope things go well for him.
I have an intense desire for both a Toothless plushie (How to Train Your Dragon, which kicked ass and parted me from my being against 3D on general principals), and a Team Alucard shirt that has the eyes on it, not just the plain text. May also look into making myself a Momo or Appa, although given the material cost, it might be easier to just buy the things.
Speaking of crafty stuff- need to make more dice-bags, and have a terrible urge to experiment with baking. I've wanted to try making bread for a long time, and when I was little I had a little 'projects for little kids and a handy adult' book about bread that had one thing, making little hedgehogs out of bread dough. I want to do that, and maybe play around with fillings.
Lots o' fun.
About two dozen people took our pictures, orc and selkie side by side, and so far I'm the only one to have posted ones of us. Ah well. Got to meet Jennie Breeden too, and told her she was half the reason I was playing an orc- she liked my costume^^ tinysquee moment.
Trouble on the horizon is my friend who pays my way for the larping has lost his job, which is a crap thing all around- I mean, I don't have a job in the first place, and that's different from having one and getting it jerked out from under you. I hope things go well for him.
I have an intense desire for both a Toothless plushie (How to Train Your Dragon, which kicked ass and parted me from my being against 3D on general principals), and a Team Alucard shirt that has the eyes on it, not just the plain text. May also look into making myself a Momo or Appa, although given the material cost, it might be easier to just buy the things.
Speaking of crafty stuff- need to make more dice-bags, and have a terrible urge to experiment with baking. I've wanted to try making bread for a long time, and when I was little I had a little 'projects for little kids and a handy adult' book about bread that had one thing, making little hedgehogs out of bread dough. I want to do that, and maybe play around with fillings.
First up-
For the lovely :iconbecky2112:, an ink-ed version of the scribble I did for her drabbles in the drow!Fire Family AU.
Second up- I'm working on cleaning the house. It is end-game, I have a month before ACen and my first house-guest in many years stays before and after the con. I am GOING to DO THIS. May God strike me down if I don't put in some substantial effort every day between now and the first week in May.
Third- melodramatic vows aside, I just made a deal with a local game store to sell my shiny dice bags. We've got an initial price set while we see how popular they are and what designs move, and I can make more and bring 'em by and see what works. And the prices, I think, are quite reasonable (even if I would balk at paying that kind of money, even for a shiny handmade satin-lined bag. With pretty beads on the cords. But I'm righteously paranoid with my budget, so who's to say).
4th- am working on random fantasy cheesecake, namely the ol' tiefling-rogue-and-paladin pairup I've had in my head forever. I like odd couples. Have a gander, see if anything looks off.
5th- will get back to writing eventually. It always goes this way- I get fits and spurts of something, periods of really intense productivity, then fzzt for a while. It usually cycles back around, I'm just hoping for a shorter turnaround than the usual couple of years.
For the lovely :iconbecky2112:, an ink-ed version of the scribble I did for her drabbles in the drow!Fire Family AU.
Second up- I'm working on cleaning the house. It is end-game, I have a month before ACen and my first house-guest in many years stays before and after the con. I am GOING to DO THIS. May God strike me down if I don't put in some substantial effort every day between now and the first week in May.
Third- melodramatic vows aside, I just made a deal with a local game store to sell my shiny dice bags. We've got an initial price set while we see how popular they are and what designs move, and I can make more and bring 'em by and see what works. And the prices, I think, are quite reasonable (even if I would balk at paying that kind of money, even for a shiny handmade satin-lined bag. With pretty beads on the cords. But I'm righteously paranoid with my budget, so who's to say).
4th- am working on random fantasy cheesecake, namely the ol' tiefling-rogue-and-paladin pairup I've had in my head forever. I like odd couples. Have a gander, see if anything looks off.
5th- will get back to writing eventually. It always goes this way- I get fits and spurts of something, periods of really intense productivity, then fzzt for a while. It usually cycles back around, I'm just hoping for a shorter turnaround than the usual couple of years.
*is cheerfully avoiding the spewing poisons of the Avatar Fandom Secrets posting!*
Am also psyching myself up and doing the art-that-could-be-paid for the dude with the thing. Just really don't want to end up as anyone's sin-eater or therapist. Have done that, not fun. However, at this point, for fifteen bucks a page I'll draw hermaphroditic porn. Heck, I'd prefer it. I have a medieval fantasy world based on it (although, granted, it kind of needs to be developed beyond just soured relationships between lords who were once lovers).
AC/DC, light of my life. You make the scribbling and the inking go by much faster.
In costume news- am considering throwing in the towel on bodypaint for my orc-chick costume. Yes, the original idea was to flaunt the body I had with minimal covering, but seriously- running around beating on people with foam swords? I don't want to spend five hours on makeup and needing someone to paint my back. 'Sides, this way (finding and painting a bodysuit) I get to paint on some tattoos^^
Am also psyching myself up and doing the art-that-could-be-paid for the dude with the thing. Just really don't want to end up as anyone's sin-eater or therapist. Have done that, not fun. However, at this point, for fifteen bucks a page I'll draw hermaphroditic porn. Heck, I'd prefer it. I have a medieval fantasy world based on it (although, granted, it kind of needs to be developed beyond just soured relationships between lords who were once lovers).
AC/DC, light of my life. You make the scribbling and the inking go by much faster.
In costume news- am considering throwing in the towel on bodypaint for my orc-chick costume. Yes, the original idea was to flaunt the body I had with minimal covering, but seriously- running around beating on people with foam swords? I don't want to spend five hours on makeup and needing someone to paint my back. 'Sides, this way (finding and painting a bodysuit) I get to paint on some tattoos^^
The wolf may be hanging out around my door, but I'm just having a blushing, giggly day. God I love hanging out here.
And I was *so* going to toss out an mpreg meme at some point^^ It'll wait a bit so as to avoid glutting the market, as 'twere.
Note to self- figure out tripod so as to take *nice* pictures for Etsy.
Edit- Also, is anyone else having the trouble where LJ isn't sending out the little email notices of messages and replies until about a day later?
And I was *so* going to toss out an mpreg meme at some point^^ It'll wait a bit so as to avoid glutting the market, as 'twere.
Note to self- figure out tripod so as to take *nice* pictures for Etsy.
Edit- Also, is anyone else having the trouble where LJ isn't sending out the little email notices of messages and replies until about a day later?
Stress Post
Nov. 20th, 2009 01:46 pmSo my forbearances are coming to an end, I still have no job, few prospects, and nobody's buying what I have to sell (ie art, although if I could whore meself out the old-fashioned way in order to avoid being forsworn, I would). I'm stressed and frightened and angry, but I've chewed those all over again and again so often the last year or two that it's just kind of a well-worn tread in my head. I'm almost zen at this moment, because I just don't want to make the *effort* to get all riled up and panic-attacky right now.
Checking In
Oct. 29th, 2009 07:59 pmAh, jeez, haven't blathered about new little intrigues or clutched fearfully at new disasters in a while. Well- it's a couple days to Halloween, I'm working on my costume as well as trying to play catch-up with videogame art (Sooo glad the dude's being nice on deadlines- this week was exciting what with the one cat recovering from surgery and the other one somehow getting his nose chewed to pieces and everyone needing wrangling into cat-carriers that they don't want to get into!)
Anyway- I had a little mini-breakdown because my forbearances are coming to a close, I have no job and I can't- I can't pay my bills for very much longer but neither can I afford to be forsworn. I'd love to be able to say 'if I pay thee not in gold, I'll pay thee in silver,' but I've got neither coming in and *holding up a lock of hair* copper's not worth much these days. So- I've gotta find something. Even when I had the job, it wasn't going to be enough to pay all my bills with or without the forebearances. My dad says this is just hitting me harder because it's my first big disaster and I'm kind of staring into the abyss without a lot of it mirrored in me yet, I'll get through it and survive worse before the end. I hope so- the thing is, I wanted to *not* start off with a major handicap like, say, debts, notations of missing or late payments, and the like. Seems to me such things are a black mark against your name, and if I'm not stellar, I at least set store by being blameless about some things.
Which is kind of hypocritical of me, I know- I'm all for second chances, I'm just kind of knee-jerk ashamed of needing them myself.
I'll figure something out.
One thing- I think if I had my druthers, I'd do something like the videogame concept art, or costuming, for a living. That's the sort of stuff I can do if I've got materials and space, or in the case of concept art someone I can ask questions of to tease out what they really want so I can patch and quilt and blend things to come up with something that really fits and gives the desired effect.
If I could do that for money, I'd be a happy girl.
Anyway- I had a little mini-breakdown because my forbearances are coming to a close, I have no job and I can't- I can't pay my bills for very much longer but neither can I afford to be forsworn. I'd love to be able to say 'if I pay thee not in gold, I'll pay thee in silver,' but I've got neither coming in and *holding up a lock of hair* copper's not worth much these days. So- I've gotta find something. Even when I had the job, it wasn't going to be enough to pay all my bills with or without the forebearances. My dad says this is just hitting me harder because it's my first big disaster and I'm kind of staring into the abyss without a lot of it mirrored in me yet, I'll get through it and survive worse before the end. I hope so- the thing is, I wanted to *not* start off with a major handicap like, say, debts, notations of missing or late payments, and the like. Seems to me such things are a black mark against your name, and if I'm not stellar, I at least set store by being blameless about some things.
Which is kind of hypocritical of me, I know- I'm all for second chances, I'm just kind of knee-jerk ashamed of needing them myself.
I'll figure something out.
One thing- I think if I had my druthers, I'd do something like the videogame concept art, or costuming, for a living. That's the sort of stuff I can do if I've got materials and space, or in the case of concept art someone I can ask questions of to tease out what they really want so I can patch and quilt and blend things to come up with something that really fits and gives the desired effect.
If I could do that for money, I'd be a happy girl.
So I've got a gig where I do pro-bono concept art for a start-up videogame company. If the project gets a backer, I get paid, but meanwhile, I get to practice keeping deadlines, working to descriptions, and building a portfolio. So- I find this is good for my sanity, if not my wallet, but my wallet was going to be feeling poorly in any case. This way, I get to have fun^^ It's like a weekly challenge with incentive to participate.
And they say they *like* what I'm doing, so far^^ I am a happy little bee.
Also- wig-making is oddly soothing. I'm working hard on my costume and I may-just-may have it ready for Halloween. Note to self- start wearing the damn contacts again to get used to them, otherwise you're going to be a young orc priestess stumbling around blind.... Oh, and the bodice, otherwise you're going around topless in Chicago fall weather and that's just not fun.
And now, Weirdlet Dream Theater presents- last night's oddly fitting weirdness. I was dancing in a club or some kind of concert, and I got invited over to another party, an orc-themed one- I kept asking hey, can I get my gear? I need my costume, I haven't got it on-! but they said, nah, it was fine, just come on in and play! I was surrounded by moshing (I think that's the right word? Anyway, dancing and stomping) orcs that I knew were girls and guys like me under it, but we still got to put on our orc-faces for the night. It was a hell of a lot of fun.
And then it seemed like we were next door to a baseball game beyond the screen that was one wall (screen/net/thing to climb and cling to), and at some point I was playing keep-away with Gollum.
Yeah. Weird, but that's how my dreams go. It was still fun, even after the main premise went away.
And they say they *like* what I'm doing, so far^^ I am a happy little bee.
Also- wig-making is oddly soothing. I'm working hard on my costume and I may-just-may have it ready for Halloween. Note to self- start wearing the damn contacts again to get used to them, otherwise you're going to be a young orc priestess stumbling around blind.... Oh, and the bodice, otherwise you're going around topless in Chicago fall weather and that's just not fun.
And now, Weirdlet Dream Theater presents- last night's oddly fitting weirdness. I was dancing in a club or some kind of concert, and I got invited over to another party, an orc-themed one- I kept asking hey, can I get my gear? I need my costume, I haven't got it on-! but they said, nah, it was fine, just come on in and play! I was surrounded by moshing (I think that's the right word? Anyway, dancing and stomping) orcs that I knew were girls and guys like me under it, but we still got to put on our orc-faces for the night. It was a hell of a lot of fun.
And then it seemed like we were next door to a baseball game beyond the screen that was one wall (screen/net/thing to climb and cling to), and at some point I was playing keep-away with Gollum.
Yeah. Weird, but that's how my dreams go. It was still fun, even after the main premise went away.
