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weirdletMy life is a study in sleep deprivation.
Always has been, probably always will be.
See- I was always nocturnal. Always inclined to stay up at night and do my own thing, or, even before I discovered that hey, I could do that- I just never fell asleep easily at night. Maybe that was stress, maybe I'm just a natural night owl.
But nowadays, it's also the only time I'm not being interrupted constantly, and I do mean constantly, by demands of either the helpless parent or the parent who I don't mind helping so much. It's a combination of factors, but the end result is, by accident, inclination, and otherwise, I tend not to fall asleep before 3AM or later. Sometimes even six AM, such as today- at which point I begin to get interrupted every hour and a half or less.
Now, I've tried to explain to my parents, who taught me about the Geneva conventions, that I probably count under them too. It doesn't work. So when there's days like today (which aren't all that frequent, really) when I am so desperate for a semblance of rest that I ignore the demands that I get up and act like a normal person past noon, and actually get a nap that's longer than two hours all in one place, after having answered every demand previous- then I get screamed at. I am persona non grata, the lazy, spiteful daughter who is deliberately disobeying the reasonable edict, breaking all the rules of socially acceptable behavior, what the fuck is wrong with me, do I think I can sleep all day? etc, etc.
I really hate when someone brings up 'what's *wrong* with you?' shtick. It's become one of my little berserk buttons. Like *he* can talk.
edit- one of my. Foaming. berserk buttons.
Whoever's at fault, and I don't give a fuck when my throat's sore and my heart flutters on standing, there are breaking points at which I decide that no, I am not going to obey. Today was one of them.
Although I will admit to panicking at the realization that it was four pm on finally rising from the aching depths of desperation-sleep. That's the whole day gone, nightowl or not.
Always has been, probably always will be.
See- I was always nocturnal. Always inclined to stay up at night and do my own thing, or, even before I discovered that hey, I could do that- I just never fell asleep easily at night. Maybe that was stress, maybe I'm just a natural night owl.
But nowadays, it's also the only time I'm not being interrupted constantly, and I do mean constantly, by demands of either the helpless parent or the parent who I don't mind helping so much. It's a combination of factors, but the end result is, by accident, inclination, and otherwise, I tend not to fall asleep before 3AM or later. Sometimes even six AM, such as today- at which point I begin to get interrupted every hour and a half or less.
Now, I've tried to explain to my parents, who taught me about the Geneva conventions, that I probably count under them too. It doesn't work. So when there's days like today (which aren't all that frequent, really) when I am so desperate for a semblance of rest that I ignore the demands that I get up and act like a normal person past noon, and actually get a nap that's longer than two hours all in one place, after having answered every demand previous- then I get screamed at. I am persona non grata, the lazy, spiteful daughter who is deliberately disobeying the reasonable edict, breaking all the rules of socially acceptable behavior, what the fuck is wrong with me, do I think I can sleep all day? etc, etc.
I really hate when someone brings up 'what's *wrong* with you?' shtick. It's become one of my little berserk buttons. Like *he* can talk.
edit- one of my. Foaming. berserk buttons.
Whoever's at fault, and I don't give a fuck when my throat's sore and my heart flutters on standing, there are breaking points at which I decide that no, I am not going to obey. Today was one of them.
Although I will admit to panicking at the realization that it was four pm on finally rising from the aching depths of desperation-sleep. That's the whole day gone, nightowl or not.
