My Dad Is Gone.

[weirdlet]

My dad is gone.  He wasn't feeling well yesterday (in a way that he's survived before), so we cleaned up the place and as he got worse, we called the ambulance.  I stepped away because I couldn't handle it, and Mom gave me the details when I got back in and it turns out he had a heart attack, possibly two, at the behest of his failing kidneys.  He never woke up, never really stabilized, and we realized- he himself was probably gone before the ambulance came.

We let him go, and he passed around 5:30. 

I've been bracing for this for years, but it still- it shouldn't have happened now.  Of course it had the potential to happen, of course I couldn't push him into healthier habits even as I was caring for him, but- it can't happen now.

But it has.

We put on his music, let him off the tube, and I told him that we loved him, to give our love to Becky and to go in peace.

Just- *fuck*.