So, there’s guilt, but also a little warping. “I’ve lived this way for so long- it’s just a fact of my existence. I am somewhat of a parasite. But I don’t have to do it so- vulgarly.” This is her habit of speaking lightly over deep, gaping issues, but it’s the plain truth- and why she tries to give back under the table so much, doing good deeds to make up for the simple fact of the butcher’s bill she’s run up.