attackfish ([identity profile] attackfish.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] weirdlet 2010-02-12 02:52 pm (UTC)

Man, if I could help you find a unifying narrative thread, I would, bu I'm currently banging my head into the wall over the same thing... with a story about Jet and Zuko in Ba Sing Se. Oh the misery.

Onto the snippet!

I love the way you use the external conflict with Jet to highlight Zura's inner conflict and confusion, as well as her lingering class based feelings of superiority. Very well done. And Jet's wild assumptions, I can just see Zura's face at the one about her uncle. Zura: "Um... Ick?"

And he wants to tear her hair out. Powerful image.

“I told you you didn’t want me in your gang.” *Grins* Oh Zura, this is what passes for humor with you, isn't it. At least you only drive the knife in deeper when you're being clumsy.

One small thing, and I've noticed this before. Zura's not an adulteress. You have to be married or sleeping with a married person to be committing adultery. She committed fornication.

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